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Are you getting too much?

Written for The Courier, Newcastle University’s student newspaper

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Are you getting too much?

It’s the age old question that comes up time and time again in pre-lash drinking games: “What’s your magic number?” Some surrender the information immediately; others are a little more sheepish about answering (which leaves you questioning whether they have held on to their virginity, resulting in many awkward silences). I truly believe that the number depends on a combination of your morals, your marital status, and your education. By education, I mean whether you made it to Uni. Let’s face it, Uni students are probably the most promiscuous group around. Practically every morning there are fresh rumours brewing about so-and-so and her ex on your mate’s bed, and whats-his-name doing that barmaid from Perdu. It’s part of Uni life (the part I don’t divulge to my grandparents), and I can’t think of many who’s number hasn’t shot up since their pre-fresher years. It’s all good fun and doesn’t hurt anyone (if you use protection), but we are divided by the question: “how much is too much?”.
The Times online recently reported that males outshag their female counterparts by only 1 with a total of 16 sexual partners over their lifetime. This revelation has provoked mixed responses entirely. One rather naïve course mate exclaimed “HOW much?!” while another rather disappointed lad was left pondering “is that all…your entire life?” (I later saw him out on the prowl that night in attempt to up the statistic.)
I was actually quite surprised at the fact that girls only slept with 1 less person than boys, although I guess in this age it’s becoming a lot more acceptable for girls to rival guys in the pulling stakes. I was wholly unsurprised however to find out that our lad mates have created a scoreboard. Yup, they actually compete to see who can get the most girls (and consequently the most diseases and the worst reputation). I’ve been informed that it’s one point for an innocent kiss, 10 for the old one-two and more if the girl is really up for it, if you know what I mean. Great banter, but I brought up the point that the guys with the highest standards are at a slight disadvantage to those who’ll bring anything back (and, trust me, there have been some dogs).
Girls I think are just that more subtle about it. At a recent reunion with my homegirls, as always, the conversation turned to sex pretty quickly. I asked one friend how many she’d slept with since starting Uni: “Umm, about three new ones, I think”. This brings her number to nigh on thirty. She quickly defended herself by saying “I don’t class myself as a slag because I don’t dress like one and I don’t put myself out there, it just happens”. She has got a point actually; she oozes class and glamour, and is also the most hardcore party girl I know. If she ends up in some random guy’s bed after an exhausting night raving because she’s “up for anything” then who are we to brand her as a harlot? An interesting detail is the fact that she had been with three “new ones”. She elaborated by saying she’d had more but they’d been people she’d met travelling or friends from home. This is what I would call repeat offending. It’s an attempt to have as much sex as you want whilst keeping your numbers down: a clever strategy in my opinion. It also allows quality control: you’ve already been there once, you know if it’s going to be a worthwhile two-night stand. If last time you were faced with a quick fumble under stained sheets before he passed out and insisted on snoring like a pig til the early hours, do not, I repeat do not go back there.
I’m not going to offer my expert opinion on which number is right as I don’t think the number is what matters. As long as you’re having fun, staying safe and you don’t shame yourself, then go out and get as much as you want I say. After all, in the words of Bloodhound Gang, “you and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals”. However, if you do become embarrassed when admitting your number, you have three options: calm down, join a convent or get the snip.

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