IP4 Gangster

‘Your about as hard as microwaved butter
about as bling as a penny in the gutter
Your as street as a pathway in the park
and have the respectability of Tracy Emmen’s art’

It was about this point that he hit me and said
‘What you chattin about bruv’
It didnt really hurt and all I could do was laugh
(which earnt me another hit)

‘You see, IP4 doesnt exactly command any respect’
I told wannabe boy as he cracked his neck
‘It’s the nesting ground of the middle class’
He was really getting ready to kick my ass
‘All the houses cost about six digits
so someone from can’t really be ‘with it’
This got wannabe gangster terribly vexed
He jumped up and down on the spot and began to flex
His glasses bounced round on his lanky head
and his slackened cheeks grew steadily red
‘Your the laughing stock of the whole town
nobody I know would want you around
people run away when your getting down
and your aftershave would make an anosmic frown’

Try hard chave was really getting pissed
His knuckles tightened around his fists
But I carried on, I was not phazed
A crowd gathered to see wannabe get blazed
‘Instead of 40’s you drink soda’s
Your wheel’s are just a rusty skoda
You tell everyone that you like to get krunk
when all your CD’s are of 70’s funk
You think that ‘soap bar’ is a personal hygene product
The closest thing to a drug you’ll touch is chocolate’

I don’t really remember what happened next
the whole things kind of a blur
But, judging by the black eye that I woke up with
He was a bit hurt by my words
But still, I’d had an impact of him, that wasnt all bad
It seemed that try-hard had been changed by my wrath
because next time I saw him he was a wannabe Goth